I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
