Swine flu. Run for my life!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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