dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
