Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
