Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
