I wish my penis had an off switch
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
