6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Don't make out with my wife yet
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
