I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize