I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
