Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
