he puts the penis in happiness.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
