This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
