what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
