I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
