Kareoke will never be a sober sport
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
