You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
