i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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