I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
