and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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