I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
literally had 100 drinks last night.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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