I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
