Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
