you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
