A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
