I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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