In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
