I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
