He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
