Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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