my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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