who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
