I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
