I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
