I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
