tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
