i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
