Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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