fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
