dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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