im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Dick very happy bro
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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