I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
