he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I will pee on everything he values.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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