I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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