I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
