Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
