Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
