I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Randomize
