dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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