Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
