You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
